Lamenting the loss of sincerity

  So last Thursday I attended a talk by a wonderful woman who has been researching her family history in Oregon. She started the Maxville Heritage Interpretive center http://www.maxvilleheritage.org/ and is also involved in several other historical preservation groups. She showed us a short video by Deep West Video http://www.westernfolklife.org/site1/index.php/Deep-West-Video/Deep-West-Video.html  which charmed my socks off. It's definitely worth watching.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88pkorSdkik

And watching that video got me thinking about my own personality and how difficult it's been, and still is, for me to function socially in a big town like Portland. I grew up in a place where you might not have known everyone, but at the very least you knew their cousin, or their 1st grade teacher, or their mom's probation officer, or whatever. People were connected, and dammit when you waved at someone or said hello there was some sincerity behind it. But we don't do that in big towns here.

I have never felt comfortable with the affected friendliness that is expected in our modern society. I absolutely do not see the value of this tradition we have of asking someone "How are you?" when it is mutually acknowledged that the last thing the other person should do is actually answer the question with any honesty. When I was in retail, and a customer would come up and say "Hi, how are you doing?", I'd actually start telling them. I guess it my my way of saying "fuck you" to this shallow social convention we've created. It wasn't that I felt any animosity toward the person themselves, I just have never been able to feel comfortable with or accepting of this required tradition of false friendliness. I'd honestly rather they say nothing at all. Why on earth devote the time and energy to interacting with someone if you have no desire to interact in any way that matters? Why ask questions that people aren't supposed to answer? Why pretend to be glad to see me when we both know full well that you don't give a shit?

Before the talk on Thursday began I was sitting outside watching the world go by and an older lady stopped and asked me about a young man who had started preaching from the Torah nearby. We both remarked that we saw various flavors of Christians shouting at us on a fairly regular basis, but this was a new one. And then this total stranger sat down next to me and we just started talking about how we both came from small towns, how unfriendly the city could feel, we just sat and talked for a good 15 minutes and we expressed our sincere thoughts and feelings and felt so comfortable and normal, just two strangers talking like it was a normal thing to do. And you know, that was one of the nicest conversations I've had in a very long time.

Why don't we do that? Why is it that when you start talking to someone you don't know in a city you will be met, often as not, by a look of discomfort, fear, confusion, maybe anger. Who decided that honest interactions between people who haven't met before are to be avoided at all cost? Who decided that smiling at a stranger on the street can only signify mental illness or evil intent?

It's no wonder I feel so isolated so much of the time, that I can't seem to relate to the people around me. Who keeps teaching people that we have to have these force fields around ourselves all the time? Who decided that being friendly is a bad thing? Some people have no idea what they're missing by keeping this polite, socially approved mask on all day. Just loosen up once in a while. Talk to someone you don't know, just for the enjoyment of human interaction.

Sigh